10 January 1992
I caught a cold and now I am sick and tired and delirious and miserable. I’m staying with the Smiths. I don’t feel like doing anything. It has been raining the whole time I have been here, so there isn’t much to do or see anyway. I went to lunch with Sally and I am generally having a pretty nice time just relaxing. They are taking good care of me.
I try to sleep and sometimes I can’t and the rest of the time I have haunting dreams where I can’t understand what anyone is saying, or where I am. Or else I dream about Dan. I just had a particularly vivid one from which I had to wake myself up.
First I was having a dream in which I was aware of a sort of crossover between the dream and what I thought was reality (but it was actually another level of dream). It was very weird and the only part that was clear enough for me to be able to write down was that I was convinced that in my sleep I had gotten up and was taking a shower to reduce my fever, but while I was still asleep and still dreaming. And Ralph Hocking (my video artmaking professor from SUNY Binghamton) was in one of the two levels and he was joking around with me. The point is that I knew I was dreaming and I decided that this would be a good time to go to Prague and visit Dan, astral projection style. I got as far as a metro stop and I went down into it. The railings were red and yellow, so I knew that I was on line B (yellow – it was the line on which Dan lived) but I didn’t know which stop it was or which direction I needed to go in. When I got down to the level where the train would be coming, it was all pipes and gravel on the floor and I couldn’t figure out where the train would come from, there was no entrance or exit to the tunnel, and no tracks. I started walking around and I was getting frantic and starting to hyperventilate. I saw Richie and Jason (two friends of Daniel’s from Binghamton) and I couldn’t believe it, but they didn’t seem to see me and I turned around and someone was lying across a railing reading a newspaper. I thought it was Pier (another ex-boyfriend) and when he started to move the newspaper, I turned away and ran because I didn’t want to see him. I was starting to freak out and I couldn’t figure out how I was going to get out of the metro station. That’s when I woke myself up and I’m surprised that I didn’t wake up screaming.